This will be an extremely long post – it’ll probably be my last post for a while though. I’ll be happy to answer questions in the comments but I don’t have the time/energy to make further in-depth posts for a while.

Skincare Regimen

I know that this is most likely what everyone is most interested in so I’ll just go over that first. Since ditching my “natural skincare regimen”, I’ve actually reverted back to a lot of old (but effective) products.

Morning
1) Prep: I use a warm washcloth that I change every day to wipe away eye-gunk and warm/ready my face for cleansing.
2) Cleanser: I’ve been using the Clean & Clear Continuous Control Acne Cleanser (10% benzoyl peroxide) for about 3 months but recently switched to using the Philosophy Purity Made Simple One-Step Facial Cleanser instead. My skin has always reacted well to the Clean & Clear cleanser and I’m convinced that it has played a part in helping control my acne. I do admit that is pretty drying on the skin in the winter, which is why I opted to switch back to Philosophy’s gentle cleanser as soon as I felt like my acne was more under control.
3) Toner: I’m currently on my second bottle of Thayers Alcohol-Free Rose Petal Witch Hazel Toner and I usually just soak 2-3 cotton balls or a large facial cotton sheet to wipe over my entire face and neck.
4) Treatment (s): I’m back to applying a very liberal layer of Clindamycin Phosphate 1% lotion all over my face and neck. After the clindamycin dries, I apply a thin layer of Neutrogena’s On-the-Spot 2.5% benzoyl peroxide cream all over my face and neck, concentrating most on active areas such as my temples, cheeks and jawline/neck. After it dries, I’ll then spot treat very large nodules with the Up & Up 10% benzoyl peroxide gel overnight.
5) Scar Treatment: I’m currently on my 3rd or 4th (can’t remember) container of MRM MSM cream, which has 25% organic naturally occurring sulfur. I began using this product after reading fantastic reviews about it’s ability to diminish uneven scarring due to acne through a guest post on The Love Vitamin. I’m actually quite pleased with this cream and I’ll do my own review sometime later.
6) Moisturizer: I started using the Physiogel A.I. lotion and Physiogel A.I. cream. This winter my skin has gotten severely dry and sensitive so I decided to try out these two products since I’ve been eyeing them ever since Bubzbeauty mentioned it on her blog/videos. On super dry, cold days I’ll use both the lotion and the cream but on most days I’ll either go with one or the other.
7) Sunscreen: I only use the Olay Complete SPF 15 moisturizer for sensitive skin during the winter as sunscreen. This has always been my favorite moisturizer but I added on the Physiogel products because this Olay moisturizer isn’t moisturizing enough for the freezing New England winters.

Night
1) Eye Make-up Remover: I’ve been using the Almay Oil-Free Eye Makeup Remover Liquid but I highly dislike it. It makes my eyes sting and very dry – dislike. I’m just going to go back to using my little travel size samples of the Lancome BiFacil Eye Makeup Remover from now on.
2) Make-up Remover: I’ve actually gone through a bottle of the Etude House Real Art Cleansing oil in ‘Fresh’ (with tea tree oil) and ‘Moisture’ (with coconut oil) since I stopped the natural regimen. I’ll do a review of both soon. I also used to follow up with Simple Cleansing Facial Wipes but as of this month (January 2013) I’ve stopped this extra step. This month, my Etude house cleansing oils ran out so I’ve reverted back to my usual Kose Softymo Deep Cleansing Oil for now.
3) Cleansing: I follow up with the Philosophy Purity Made Simple One-Step Facial Cleanser along with my new Sirius Sonic Skin Care System (which is a great dupe of the rather expensive Clarisonic brush). I received the Sirius Sonic system as a gift mid-November 2012 and have been using it ever since. I only use the sensitive-skin brush, and do 20-seconds on the forehead, cheeks, nose and chin and jawline/neck.
4) Exfoliation: I use the Philosophy The Microdelivery Exfoliating Wash and massage for 30 seconds.
5) Cleanse: I used to cleanse again with the Clean & Clear Continuous Control Acne Cleanser after exfoliating and then apply the Queen Helene Mint Julep Mask but as of January 2013, I’ve also stopped the extra cleanse step. I’ll still use the mint julep mask at least once every week or so.
6) Tone/Treatments/Scar Treatment: I do the same thing that I do in the morning using the Thayer’s Rose Witch Hazel, Clindamycin Phosphate 1% lotion, Neutrogena On-the-Spot cream, Up & Up gel and MRM MSM cream.
7) Night Treatment: I’m back to using Tazorac 0.1% cream, one pea-sized spot for the face and another half-pea-sized spot for my underjaw and neck regions. I usually wait until right before bed to apply the Tazorac, so that’s a good 1-4 hours after applying anything else prior.

Diet Changes

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In 2012, you all may remember that I drastically changed my diet to whole-wheat and high-fiber products only. On top of family problems, my diet really went down the drain and I began to really eat selectively - and most likely lacked in a lot of nutrients. I’ll go into this another day but I learned that high-fiber foods also inhibit the absorption of important minerals like iron and zinc, the latter of which is important for those of us who suffer from acne. On top of that, I wasn’t eating meat or anything close to a well-balanced diet. I’m not going into all the details now but below is a list of my AM/PM supplements that I’ve been taking since November 2012 that I believe has contributed to controlling my acne (not to mention boosting my health):

AM: Women’s Daily multivitamin, 2 tablets Natrol JuiceFestiv VeggieFestiv (digestive enzymes)

PM: 30 mg Source Naturals Optizinc, 500 mg non-flush Niacin, 2 tablets Natrol JuiceFestiv FruitFestiv (digestive enzymes w/ lactobacillus)

Skin Update

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And that’s all! Leave questions and comments below – and I’ll try to post within the next…6 month? I’ll try.

I am safe, and I am surviving.

What I’m going through right now has nothing to do with my acne or my skin but I am thankful for your concern.

Hopefully I’ll be back to this blog soon. If not, happy holidays and happy new year.

Best,
Shelly

More details on my Tumblr but this message isn’t to force anyone to read my troubles.

I just need some time to cope with my feelings right now.
And I don’t know how long this will go on.
I’m sorry everyone.
I’m sorry.

As you all may or may now know, I recently decided to give up my “all natural” regimen. I was using all natural products through July and August and didn’t feel like it was helping my acne at all. Of course, I had clear weeks but overall I didn’t think my skin liked it all that much. I really had high hopes for all the nice, organic oils but something didn’t sit right with my skin. It was actually working pretty well during July but towards August my skin blew up on me. I think it might have been a bad batch of jojoba oil I ordered – which was weird because I ordered from the same place I ordered my first bottle of jojoba oil. It might have been just that my skin doesn’t like the castor or jojoba oil. Or maybe it was sensitive to the manuka honey. I know it didn’t like that Japanese charcoal soap at all.

So now I’ve been in a limbo of trying to put together a new skincare regimen. I’m still splurging unnecessary money on new products, trying new things and switching out others. Falling back on some oldies and trying to find the “perfect” gentle cleanser and moisturizer. It doesn’t really feel like anything I’m doing is right anymore. It’s like my skin has reached a plateau and it’s never going to get any better.

For this month, I tried to do pictures but the changing weather means that it’s darker in the mornings and earlier in the evenings. I’m either in class, in clinicals or at work when there is still light out so I can’t take any pictures at that time. And yes, I work on weekends too because in addition to my office job during the week, I babysit and nanny on the side. Because of the changing lighting and my decrease in time to edit pictures together, I tried to do a video of my acne as well.

Let me know if you guys prefer the video or not. The only problem with the video is that it’s lower quality – so I’ll still definitely try to include at least one set of HD-pictures of my skin for you all each month.

As you can see, my cheeks are pretty much “the same”. I personally think they might actually be looking better than previously. Unfortunately, I also have some persistent nodules and deep acne lesions on both of my temples as well as in between my eyebrows (not pictured). As disgusting as it sounds, they pop and the pus drains but in a day or so, new lesions crop up. I’m assuming there’s a deeper cyst of pus below the skin because the nodule/lump under the skin in those areas are always larger than the pustule.

My largest problem area right now is the outer areas of my cheeks and my jawline. You can see the redness, the cysts and the pustules all around my jawline and underneath my jaw spreading down to my neck. It hurts an insane amount to even turn my head or tilt my head upwards because the stretching motion pulls on the cysts underneath.

My only saving grace right now is that it’s the fall again and that means scarf season. I’m being very careful to wash my scarves after every day — don’t worry, my collection of scarves is ridiculous enough for me to actually keep this up.

I’ll be making a haul/new regimen post soon, once everything I’ve purchased comes in.

That’s the problem — Asian girls are suffering from body image issues and eating disorders because they try to hold themselves up to the expectation that Asian girls are naturally slim.
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Noel Duan, in “Fat for an Asian:” The Pressure to be Naturally Perfect

I have mentioned this in previous posts as fleeting, passive-aggressive comments hidden in paragraphs of text about my acne and emotions. Because it’s hard for me to say it on it’s own. I have an eating disorder. Or, I had an eating disorder. I don’t know if I still do. I’m kind of inclined to say I don’t but I know my current perception of my body image isn’t healthy. And I hate that (like in the article), I and many other girls do the same: We validate our unhealthy body image by adding on that ever-so segregation promoting phrase, “for an Asian.”

I, am fat. For an Asian.
I, an otherwise normal woman, am somehow different from you.
I, for some reason, have a different set of standards to live by.
I, even though I say I’m not racist or prejudice, am different from you.

What makes me laugh is the fact that I am bullying myself. We are bullying ourselves.

I’ve struggled with my weight for almost as long as I have had acne. The first time that I realized that I was “fat” was in 7th or 8th grade. I had a growth spurt that summer and shot up to the height I am now, about 62.5-63 inches. At the same time, I “ballooned” up to about 120-125 lbs. I remember my mother made a huge deal about it because she, like many other “stereotypical Asians” was “naturally skinny” (in my mother’s defense, she also had hyperthyroidism). When we bought clothes, she would by the larges and extra-larges. When she bought pants, she went for the size 7′s and 8′s. Even though at the time, I could still have easily fit a medium or a size 4/5.

Where did the unhealthy thoughts come from? I’m not quite sure. Is it simply because I live in a family surrounded by people who like to make fun of others for their own pleasure? I’m not quite sure. I was criticized for being a giraffe and told that I would “have a hard time marrying anyone because I was too tall.” Even though I think at max, I am only half an inch or an inch taller than a few of my cousins and aunts. I was criticized for having large feet, feet “as big as a man’s”. Even though I’m only about a size or a half size larger than my older sister. I guess being a size 7 is really manly compared to a 6.5. And then my skin. No other girl or woman in my family has acne. Not even a trace of it. Before the acne, I had a wart on my chin in the 5th grade that was the source of my ridicule.

All my life, I just wanted to fit in. When I think about it, I think the last time that I was truly happy with how I looked was in the 4th grade. The warts, the acne, the height, the foot size – all I couldn’t change. But weight? That was something that I lashed out my anger on.

I remember a time in high school when I ate one meal a day – just one or two pieces of meat and half a plate of vegetables. No carbohydrates. Nothing. I drank a lot of tea. Luckily, we don’t have family dinners at a dinner table in my family because my parents are always working. I remember I used to pretend to get a plate of food and then throw it all away, tied up in a plastic bag and shoved at the very bottom of the trash can. Well concealed, so no one would find out.

I was also ashamed to exercise or let anyone know that I was exercising. So I used to do those workouts you find in the Seventeen magazines, for 2-3 hours a day – hidden in a room somewhere, out in the garage or at home during a time no one else was awake/at home. I wanted to let people know that if I was losing weight, it wasn’t being of something practical like exercise. I wanted it to look like I was “naturally skinny”.

This is partially why I think the “slimming products” fad in Asia is so rampant. Asian women don’t need to diet and exercise – they just need a pill, or a drink. Pfft.

I think at this time, I had dropped to about 92 – 95 lbs. I remember one day, when my older sister told me I looked like a skeleton.

But then I went to college, got away from all the negativity of my family. Still struggling with acne but had the wonders of college life to keep my mind occupied. In college, my weight crept back up to about 108-110 lbs. When I discovered the glory of alcohol, 115-120 lbs.

And I’ve been hovering around 110-120 lbs since then. When I’m in a mood to starve myself and over-exercise, I’m at a difficult 108-110 lbs. When I’m not giving a fuck and binging on food and alcohol, I’m at an easy 118-120 lbs.

I also do this thing where I make it a point to eat a ton when I’m out with friends. Eat like I really want to, like I really mean to. But no one knows that the next day, I hit the gym for 3 hours and skip dinner to compensate. No one knows that I hate eating meals at a regular time. I hate eating meals regularly with someone else. I still need the privacy to skip dinner if I felt like it. I need to be able to throw away my food and pretend I ate it, when I really didn’t.

And now I think my problem is my weight fluctuations. Normal people don’t fluctuate 10-15 lbs over one month. But I do. Every other month, it’s different for me because I either starve myself or I binge. I’ve wondered if it’s just yo-yo dieting and water weight. But you don’t yo-yo diet 15 lbs in two or three weeks.

Whenever I’m feeling down, sad, unhappy or angry, the first thing I abuse is my weight. Sort of like a challenge to myself: If I drop below 100 lbs again, then will someone worry about me? Send me a text to ask how I am? Ask me if there’s anything I want to talk about? Realize that maybe I’m not as strong against ridicule and hatred as they thought I was?

I hate talking to other girls about their weight. Especially other Asian girls. I hate hearing them call themselves fat, obese and overweight when medically, they are not. When I hear someone else around my height and weight call themselves fat, it makes me want to hurl last night’s dinner, or least breakfast. I want to educate people so badly, as a future care provider.

But I’m a hypocrite. Because until I see my BMI show up on a calculator as 16 or 17, I don’t think I’ll ever be happy. I remember my dream used to be to weigh 40-41kg. And sometimes, on a bad day, it still is.

I think that this post has gone on long enough. I didn’t get to fit in what I really wanted to talk about but in a later post, I’m going to mention some of the “slimming products” that I’ve fallen into traps for and give reviews for the products that I’ve tried and how it’s affected my body. Thanks for listening, to anyone who actually made it to the end of this post!

Overall, in terms of the birth control aspect of it, I think that Tri-Sprintec did it’s job and worked well for me. I never had any mood swings that I myself couldn’t justify and never experienced nausea, vomiting or headaches. Also, I was keeping pretty good track of my weight up until the end and I personally didn’t think that the pill caused me to gain any excessive weight. I was also making sure to diet and exercise and I actually had certain months where I lost up to almost 8lbs. I don’t think that losing the weight was any harder than if I hadn’t been on the pill either – ladies, we all know losing weight is difficult. But being on Tri-Sprintec didn’t seem to make me plateau or become “stuck” when I was actively trying to lose weight. I thankfully didn’t seem to suffer from any of the common side effects of the pill but I also didn’t really benefit from taking the pill either. My cycle was regular again and shorter, since the pill basically makes your body go through a “fake period” during the placebo week. I was thankful for that just because it made it easier for me to predict when I would need to have be prepared.

When I look back at my pictures, I definitely had good weeks and bad weeks with my skin. Take into consideration that I was also controlling my diet, testing out new regimens and using topical creams to help control the acne as well. So it’s really hard to distinguish from whether Tri-Sprintec itself was helping or worsening my acne. Or, just doing nothing at all. I personally just felt like if it wasn’t going to help clear up my skin (and keep it clear), it wasn’t really worth it to keep taking the pill.

I’m currently venturing back out into herbal medicines because I know that I’ve been clear before on them. It is difficult because my cycle won’t be regular after coming off the pill; I’m not a huge fan of irregularity again. If it doesn’t seem to correct itself, I may consider going back on birth control.

Lastly, I’m just going to state that Tri-Sprintec is the generic form of Ortho Tri Cyclen. I know several people have stated that Ortho Tri Cyclen has worked for them and is helping with acne. Many of the brand named oral contraceptives are known to work better than their generic counterparts. Nearly all of the reviews I’ve browsed through online have also claimed that the generic forms of Ortho Tri Cyclen have caused acne more-so than healed it.

I think if I figured out a way to obtain Ortho Tri Cyclen at a low cost, I wouldn’t be against giving birth control another try. However, I personally don’t think the generic form of it has done much in terms of decreasing my acne. For those of you who are beginning birth control, please don’t hesitate to let me know your experiences as well!

I’d be happy to answer as many questions as I can. I know it seems like I’m arbitrarily making the decision to stop Tri-Sprintec but something inside me just makes me think it isn’t doing anything for my skin. Who knows if this was a bad decision on my part. It just didn’t feel right, if that makes any sense?

Pictures taken on July 10th, 2012:

Pictures taken on July 14th, 2012:

Pictures taken on July 21st, 2012:

My skin improved a lot by the end of July. I’m not sure what exactly was the cause of the improvement but I personally think that it had to do with the fact that I was able to lose a fair amount of weight. Sadly, none of this lasted for very long. I went home for my short summer break in August and my acne worsened yet again. I had forgotten to bring my camera home with me however, so I wasn’t able to take any pictures to track the worsening of my skin – and for that I apologize. I had tried to take some pictures using my phone but the quality of it was no where near good enough.

Below are just some of the pictures that I was able to scrape up for August:

As you can see, my skin was very congested all over. I began to have a lot of nodules forming all along my jawline and on my cheeks. There were a lot of nodules and “deep acne” located all over. The acne along my neck seemed to sprout back up. The acne seemed irritated, inflamed and itched all over. Most surprising to me was the fact that I had begun to get acne all over my forehead region as well. You can’t really see it in the images above but nodules began to break out along both my temples and even all along my eyebrows (which doesn’t usually happen).

I’m wearing BB cream in the second image so you can’t see as much of the redness but I just wanted to show you all the bumpiness and uneven texture of my skin due to the outbreak of acne. I’m not 100% sure what had caused the outbreak – was it my flight back home? Was it bad jojoba oil? I had no problem with the jojoba oil during my first month on the natural regimen but I did get a weird feeling about the second bottle of jojoba oil I had ordered. The color of it was different from the first bottle (even though it was ordered from the same company) and it felt weird on my skin. I felt like my skin itched after applying it so that’s when I decided to just forgo the natural regimen all together for the time being. More on this in a separate post though.

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This is the second facial mist that I have tried and I mainly purchased it due to the high reviews that other Sasa customers have given it. I also decided to give it a go because I personally have had a great experience with the JuJu Cosmetics products. This comes in a 250 ml plastic spray bottle and has a cap. The cap easily falls off though, so it’s not all that convenient to travel with or keep in your bag throughout the day (unless you want your bag/stuff to smell like peach!).

I wasn’t able to obtain a full list of the ingredients, so all I listed below is whatever was available on Sasa.com. The dipotassium glycyrrhizate is licorice root extract, which is sometimes used as a moisturizing agent. A plus for those of us with acne or other drying skin conditions, licorice root extract also has soothing capabilities as it is an anti-irritant and anti-inflammatory agent. It’s supposed to also work very well for those with atopic dermatitis (eczema). The sodium hyaluronate is also another hydrating agent that helps absorb moisture from the environment.

Ingredients: Dipotassium glycyrrhizate, placental protein, sodium hyaluronate, prunus persica (peach) leaf extract (In addition, Sasa.com reports that this product is free of mineral oil, alcohol and colourants)

I wasn’t able to find much about the “placental protein” but it’s apparently a mixture of proteins derived from various animal placentas. From what I know, placenta is one of those herbal remedies that is supposed to be very nourishing for the human body. I couldn’t find much online (though I didn’t do an extensive search) other than the fact that it has some role in skin whitening.

You can’t really see in the image above because it’s hard to take a picture of mist. I actually really like the fine mist that comes out of this pump — a lot better than with the Sana Hadanomy one. The mist does come out a little uneven sometimes so it might take a few pumps to cover the areas you really want to cover. The liquid that comes out is clear and smells of a delicious peach flavor. I’m a huge fan of peach so I was in love the moment I smelled it.

This product is very good at hydrating my skin – sometimes I’ll even apply it throughout the day over my makeup if it begins to cake, flake or crack due to dryness. Almost instantly, my skin will feel less tight and most of the flaking (sometimes all) will be gone. The directions say that you can use this as a toner or to set your makeup. I usually use it to moisturize my skin before applying BB cream or foundation or to reset my makeup throughout the day. My skin doesn’t feel sticky after applying and no pilling occurs if I’m using it under something else.

I personally can’t vouch for any “whitening” properties though – I haven’t really noticed any. But then again, I don’t really use this product every day, so maybe take this review with a grain of salt?

Also, I can only say that I don’t feel like this product is breaking me out. I use it all over my face and I don’t ever have new breakouts in areas I don’t already normally breakout. When I do use it on my jawline (the area that my BB cream/foundation flakes and dries the most during the day due to all the acne), I never see a surge in the number of acne lesions I get. Like I said, I use this product on an off too and I’ve never noticed a difference in amount of acne on the weeks that I do use it versus the weeks that I don’t use it.

Overall, I really do like this mist and would recommend it to anyone with acne or drying skin conditions! It really is soothing to the skin to apply – but it’s no “cure” or anything. More just symptom relief!

Initial Rating: 4/5

“New” Products in my Regimen:
- Clean and Clear CONTINUOUS CONTROL® Acne Cleanser
- Clean and Clear ADVANTAGE® 3-in-1 Exfoliating Cleanser
- Olay 2-in-1 Daily Facial cloths, Oily/Combination skin
- Simple Facial Wipes, sensitive skin
- 10% Benzoyl Peroxide gel treatment (Up&Up Target brand)
- Physiogel A.I. lotion
- Olay Complete Sensitive Skin moisturizer SPF 15
- Naruko Tea Tree Oil Out Night Jelly

As you can see, I’m falling back onto a number of “oldies” that have worked for me in the past — namely the benzoyl peroxide regimen. I’ve also fallen back onto using facial wipes to remove face make-up, giving the whole “oil” thing a rest because it’s cheaper. I splurged and got the Physiogel A.I. lotion because the weather is starting to get colder in the Northeast again and I know I’ll need all the moisture I can get. I’m not as worried about SPF anymore and most of the SPF moisturizers aren’t hydrating enough for me (in fact, they can feel pretty drying along with benzoyl peroxide use). I also thought that I was over the whole “Asian skincare” thing but I saw such good reviews for Naruko that I decided to give it a try. I’m actually really liking the night jelly so far, so I’m thinking of getting almost the entire Naruko Oil Out line in the near future.

Changing up my entire regimen means that yes, there are quite a few reviews that I’ll need to be writing. Below is just my own “to-do” list of sorts, feel free to pipe up and ask if you’d prefer me to do one review or post over the other first! Also, if you see something that I’ve missed and you’d like me to review, let me know! Sometimes I can’t keep track of what I’ve tried and what I haven’t — so if you saw a product that I was using but can’t find a review for it, let me know.

Posts to Come:
- July Skin Update
- Final Thoughts on Tri-Sprintec
- My Journey with Herbal Supplements
- Castor Oil & Jojoba Oil Re-visited review
- Manuka Honey review
- Nippon Kodo Deitanseki Soap review
- Melazepam review
- Equate Daily Protection Moisturizing Lotion, SPF 30 review

As you can tell from the above list, I finished up my 6th cycle of Tri-Sprintec and have chosen to stop taking the pill. I may consider switching to a different type of birth control, perhaps maybe try out a brand name instead of the generics but we’ll see. Currently, I’ve been trying out a slew of herbal supplements so I’ll make a post about that in the future.

I mentioned this before but there will be no August skin update post since I had flown home to California and forgotten to bring my camera, so I have no pictures to share for that month.